Life Can Be Hard, But Count Your Blessings

So, this week I have learned two VERY important lessons. Lessons that I have learned before, but seem to have forgotten. Lessons that will likely be re-learned throughout my life because they're THAT important. The lessons I've learned this week are 1) That sometimes life can be hard, but despite those things 2) You should still count your blessings.

I'm going to be frank. My husband and I have not had an easy time having children. We want them very badly. We optimistically entered marriage excited that, in a year or so, we would be starting our family. Eighteen months later, and a handful of failed pregnancies, we are still anxiously awaiting those blessings. This trial has been a bitter pill for me to swallow. After all, I married at 30 years old, and am now 32 (and a half!). I am sometimes certain I can actually hear that biological "tick, tick, tick" warning me that indeed, if I want a family, I need to HURRY! And really, I am more excited at the thought of raising righteous children and wiping off little fingerprints from the furniture than working full time in the corporate world. I often feel the juxtaposition of life's priorities as they argue about within my mind and soul.

Truthfully, this isn't a trial I saw coming. Do you ever have those kinds of trials? I guess the technical term for them are "trials of adversity." The ones you didn't bring on yourself, that you don't expect, and yet they have the power to sting you to the very core. Yes, this trial in particular, seems to knock the wind out of me.

When it comes to trials like this, I am not particularly good at overcoming them. I'm not even good at dealing with them. I throw tantrums. I kick. I scream. I blame God. I seem to forget that "men are that they might have joy" and that the Lord has promised us that "thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment." I am so grateful for this promise. It is what helps me get up when I fall. It is what restores that "brightness of hope" that is so important in achieving any of our dreams.

Sometimes, I think we feel like, if we are living righteously, that we are entitled to go through life without experiencing pain and suffering. That we will only be blessed with good things. No really, I think sometimes I feel that way. I will see someone who is suffering deeply, and I will feel so sorry for them, and at the same time, so grateful that I'm not dealing with what they are. For me, this trial has reminded me that the Lord loves all of His children, and He loves them equally, but that all of us experience pain. Just because an earthquake destroyed Port-au-Prince and not Provo, Utah, doesn't mean He loves the people of Provo more and loves the Haitian people any less. All it means, is that "unto whom much is given much is required."

My very wise sister-in-law gave me some counsel that I hope never to forget. She counseled me not to grow bitter, not to avoid baby showers, but to remember that each baby is a miracle. I refuse to become embittered. I sincerely hope, despite my imperfections and my "natural man," that I can learn from these experiences. That I will be teachable and that I will learn what the Lord will have me learn.

Today we had our stake conference. As part of the stake choir, we sang the most beautiful arrangement of "Count Your Many Blessings." This morning, I tried to focus on the lyrics of that hymn, and the words spoke peace to my heart.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care? Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?

Count your many blessings every doubt will fly, And you will be singing as the days go by.

So amid the conflict, whether great or small, Do not be discouraged God is over all. Count your many blessings angels will attend, Help and comfort give you to your journey's end.

Count your blessings; Name them one by one. Count your many blessings; See what God hath done.

I am so richly blessed. At the beginning of my life, I didn't have the gospel of Jesus Christ. I didn't know about the blessings of the temple or the Priesthood or the principles of eternal marriage or families. And now, thanks to the Lord's tender mercies, I have access to all of it.

This week, as Boyce and I have struggled to understand and endure this hardship, I have been in awe of the outpouring of love and kindness from family, friends - even strangers. We have received meals, flowers, notes of love and sympathy, hugs, phone calls, even some telling us their own struggles to begin their families. So today, I feel very, very blessed. I love the Lord, and I hope throughout my life, I can learn to better handle these trials of adversity, to rely upon the rock of my salvation, and to allow Him to lift my burdens. I know He understands, and I'm so grateful for that. And thanks to all of you who continue to teach me how to better deal with the curveballs of life.