- The fact I've put on 7 pounds in the past two months, and to compound that...
- The fact that I like sweets. A lot. Most days I resolve to put them behind me. By noon, I've put them in me.
- The fact that having kids is hard for us. I don't want to dwell on this, but it just is. And it leaves me really, really sad some days.
- The fact that I'm so OCD about silly things like the cleanliness of my house that I don't often enjoy the bright parts of the day.
- The fact that sometimes I miss working. I get scared that I'm losing a talent. And then I yell at myself because I'm not supposed to feel that way. I should love my life. Always.
- The fact that some days I just don't know how to do what's best for Gracie. How to I teach her right from wrong? How do I get her to eat more vegetables? How do I get her to nap? And dang it, sometimes I get really, really frustrated at that sweet, sweet girl.
- Added onto that, some days I just don't know how to do what's best for Boyce, or even worse, I'm too lazy. I don't make him breakfast. I rarely make him lunch. I never iron his clothes. I don't give him enough kisses or tell him I love him enough. That makes me sad.
- The fact that even though I have the gospel in my life - and I know about Heavenly Father and the Savior and His wonderful sacrifice - I don't often let them into my life personally. I don't often rely on them. For whatever reason, I make it harder on myself.
- Too often, I look at my life's cup half empty, not half full. And you know, it's way more than half full. It's probably like 3/4ths full.
So at the end of all my ranting, let me just say:
Thank you to my husband for putting up with me. Thank you my sweet girl for being patient with me. Thank you to wonderful friends who support me. And thank you dear Lord for compensating for all of my weaknesses. Even though I want to do it all myself, to be in control 100% of the time, to be perfect, I just can't. And you knew that a long time ago and made up for it. Thank you for making up the rest of the way where I fall short.
4 comments:
Wait a second...you're NOT perfect?!? I am flabbergasted! ;) I love you Suz-and I hear ya. I have a lot of these same struggles- especially the ironing shirts part. I buy Rob wrinkle resistant shirts- that's my solution to that! You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be you. :)
Oh Suzanne, I feel like this post could have been written by me. Life is beautiful and hard all at the same time, and it's so easy to feel like we're failing when we can't do everything perfectly. (And we just can't do everything perfectly.) My best advice, that I have to constantly give myself during the rough days, is to just stop beating yourself up. (SO much easier said than done!) You are an amazing mom and wife and person, and you are blessing the lives of all the people around you.
p.s. I don't iron either :).
Sweet Suz, you have read my mind from the last 2.5 years (since that sweet, energetic boy entered my life). Why does life have to be so hard? Especially when our desires are good and righteous? You have a good attitude. You know how you should be feeling and that's what matters. But it's also okay to allow yourself to be sad sometimes. That's what helps us get up and going again. Love you!
I totally could relate to everything you were saying. Good to know we are "normal" and doing our best. Suzanne, you are amazing and don't forget it! :)
Post a Comment